


Leeloo Dallas and the Infinite Fix-it

by real_live_angelface



Series: Bing ba-da boom! [1]
Category: Fifth Element (1997), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Canon Divergence - Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Crack Crossover, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff and Humor, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Genderfluid Character, Space Opera, Time Shenanigans
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-21
Updated: 2019-08-21
Packaged: 2020-09-23 11:28:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20339371
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/real_live_angelface/pseuds/real_live_angelface
Summary: What if every movie was actually a peek into a real, live alternate universe? And supposing that was true, what if someone powerful, say someone like Leeloo Dallas, unwitting star of “The Fifth Element,” happened to be a huge fan of a particular movie, or perhaps a series of movies. Like, say, the movies in the Marvel Cinematic Universe? What could possibly happen then???





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * For [snycock](https://archiveofourown.org/users/snycock/gifts).

> This is a sorta cracky, sorta earnest fix-it crossover fic written expressly for my friend snycock’s birthday. It is long overdue, so here’s hoping the wait was worth it!
> 
> This story features a genderfluid character who uses the following gender-neutral pronouns: xe, xem, xyr.
> 
> Rated T for the usual bouquet of swear words.
> 
> Not beta’d, because it was written for my beta.

Blue lights, metal skin, she carries it all within. Inside out, her membranes dripping, she is the one who walks in the center, the carrier of the great decimating brightness that can stop planets in their path. Her wings are invisible. They open and reach toward the sky, tracing the ceiling of the world, coming back wet with cloud-dew and charged with static electricity. 

She is not alone. The stone bearers come with her, keepers of the elements, openers of the way. 

A breath. 

The strike of a match. 

A drop of water. 

A crumb of soil. 

They walk with her and when the time comes to do what she must do, they are there, their feet firm on the Earth, holding each corner of what makes up the Universe, the building blocks, the elemental forces. 

She sees the ship, her eyes that can look beyond the sky and peer into the depths of the Universe. 

She feels her wings extend to their fullness, pinions prickling with the rush of power. All that there is left to do is to let her heart break open.


	2. The Most Epic Movie Night Ever

Leeloo stared at the vid screen.

"No mid-credits scene? Korben!" She turned around on the couch, half-tipping it backward, the bucket of chicken bones in her lap tilting to the side and spilling across the pleather cushions. "Korben! Did you get this vid from Gazz?"

"No, I got it from the archives, so it should be complete," Korben said, appearing in the kitchen doorway, wooden spoon in hand, a large mixing bowl under one arm. "I don't know why you watch that old 21st century shit, anyway. There's plenty of good movies–”

"I like the 21st century," Leeloo said. "It's amusing. They're right in between figuring out all the things."

Korben scowled. "You mean they're right in the middle of fucking everything up."

Leeloo sighed, resting her chin on her arm. "It all depends on how you look at it."

Korben's eyes softened. "You want some cookie dough?"

"You’re looking at it right side up," Leeloo said, holding out a hand. "Look at it upside down and backwards."

"Yeah, yeah." Korben plopped a good portion of chocolate-chip-studded dough into her palm.

"I wish Llúcaix Tilamonte could have written this movie," Leeloo said, picking at the chocolate chips.

"Pretty sure it came out way before xe were born," Korben said.

"True." Leeloo frowned. "When you return this, can you get me _ Thor: Ragnarok _?" 

"Again? Didn’t we just watch that one?"

"So?" Leeloo asked. “I’ll call Ruby and we can all have a movie night.”

“Ruby?”

“Don’t be like that! I know you like xem. Why can’t you just admit it?”

Korben rolled his eyes. “I guess we haven’t seen xem in awhile, anyway.”

“Good,” Leeloo said. She turned to sit back against the couch cushions, pushing the _ Avengers: Endgame _ vid case onto the floor with her bare foot. She glared at it a moment then stuffed the entire blob of cookie dough into her mouth.

***

“Koooorben, my man!” Ruby crowed, stepping into the flat. “How’ve you been?” Xe were decked in multi-colored leopard print from head to toe, starting with fuzzy cowboy boots and ending with a jaunty little fascinator pinned to the side of a giant twist of hair.

“Great,” Korben said, hugging xem. “Good to see you again. Really.”

Ruby snorted. “How am I supposed to believe that when that mean mug of yours is staring me down???”

“I’m serious,” Korben said. “I can’t do anything about my face.”

“Whatever. I’ve seen how you look at Leeloo.”

“Ruby!” Leeloo popped her head out the bedroom door. “Thanks for coming over. Did you bring the sandwiches from Chelsea Square?”

“Oh my god,” Ruby snapped, rolling xyr eyes. “I knew that was the only reason I was invited over.”

Leeloo laughed. “No! Of course not.”

“Can I even get a hug before I hand over the goods? Or should I just drop them off right here–” Ruby dropped the bag of sandwiches on the coffee table “–and G.T.F.O. right now?”

“Hugs!” Leeloo said, running over. “Hugs before sandwiches always. Well, almost always.”

Ruby laughed and pulled her into a squeeze. Afterwards, xe collapsed back onto the couch, taking up half of it.

“So, another one of those Marvel movies?”

“Yes,” Leeloo said, flopping down next to xem.

“Really? Again? Can’t we watch something modern for a change?”

“Right?” Korben asked, fishing the _ Thor: Ragnarok _ vid out of his bag hanging by the door. He turned to see Leeloo sprawled across the rest of the couch, leaning against Ruby, which meant that there was barely any room for him. Shaking his head, he popped the disc into the antique player and lifted Leeloo’s legs so that he could sit down.

“Wait! Can you bring me some potato chips?” Leeloo asked.

“What about your sandwich and fries?”

“I’ll eat those, too.”

Korben groaned and reversed his movements, ambling off into the kitchen. Leeloo glanced over at Ruby as the increasingly frenetic sound of crinkling foil yielded to a loud rip and muffled swearing.

“That man,” Ruby said, shaking xyr head, a wide grin on xyr face.

“I know,” Leeloo answered.

“Here,” Korben said, plopping a giant potato-chip-filled bowl onto her belly. “I ripped the damn bag open so now we have to eat all of them.”

”What a shame,” Leeloo said, grinning as Korben pressed play on the vid player and sat back down on the couch, lifting her legs into his lap again. “Let’s fast-forward to the part where Thor and Loki go to Earth in search of Odin,” she added, just as he got settled.

“Wait, what?” Ruby asked.

“You know these antiques don’t do voice commands, right?” Korben asked.

Leeloo gave him a plaintive look.

“I’m not getting up again.”

“And I did not come all the way here in rush hour traffic to watch half a movie.”

“Fiiiiiiiiiine,” Leeloo said, rolling her eyes. “It’s near the beginning, but fine.”

***

Leeloo sat up eagerly when Thor and Loki finally took the Bifrost to New York City, arriving in time to witness the demolition of the Shady Acres Care Home. They were standing with their backs to the camera, Loki in an all-black suit, his hair greased back as always. Thor was in a worn jean jacket, Mjolnir in hand, cleverly disguised as an umbrella.

“I swear I left him right here,” Loki said.

“Right here on the sidewalk,” Thor asked. “Or right there where the building is being demolished? Great planning.”

“How was I supposed to know? I can’t see into the future. I’m not a witch.”

“No?” Thor glanced over at him. “Then why do you dress like one?”

“Hey.”

“I can’t believe you’re alive,” Thor said, his voice growing serious. “I saw you die. I mourned you, I cried for you.”

“I’m honored.”

Leeloo stood up, startling Korben, who had nearly fallen asleep. To be fair, they _ had _ just watched this movie fairly recently.

“What are you doing?” he asked, as Leeloo pulled a neon pink satchel out from under the coffee table and stepped towards the vid monitor.

“Leeloo?” Ruby asked, as she shouldered the satchel and reached out to press her palm to the screen. “What the hell are you doing?”

“Are you coming?” she asked, turning back to hold out her other hand.

“What?” Ruby lifted an eyebrow, covering xyr mouth as they yawned widely.

“Leeloo–” Korben began.

Ruby cut him off with a shocked gasp as Leeloo’s hand pushed past the monitor screen and into the picture. Fortunately, no one in the movie seemed to notice the giant hand that was now hovering just above Thor and Loki’s heads. Korben jumped to his feet.

“Come on!” Leeloo shouted, her voice garbled. “We’re going to save them all! Take my hand!”

“_ Leeloo _,” Korben said.

“Please!”

Korben pressed his lips together then reached out, grasping her hand firmly.

“Oh my GOD, don’t leave me behind!” Ruby shrieked, as Leeloo faded into the screen. Korben turned, stretching out his free hand and wiggling his fingers.

“Hurry up, then!”

“Oh god, oh god, what do I do, what do I do–”

“Ruby!”

“Fine!” Ruby lunged toward Korben and took his hand, tripping over the bag of takeaway as xe stepped over the coffee table. “Wait! Should I bring the sandwiches?”

“Too late!” Korben pulled xem toward the screen.

“You’re seriously telling me I went all the way to Chelsea Square for noth–AIEEE!!!!!”

The picture on the screen wavered a moment, just as Thor turned toward some people who were approaching him on the street corner in search of autographs. 

Behind him, completely unnoticed, Leeloo, Korben, and Ruby dashed across the street and rounded the corner out of sight.

***

“That felt very weird,” Leeloo said. “Did anyone else notice that? Like we turned into light for a moment.”

“Yeah…” Korben said, staring at his hands. “I can’t believe we just–”

“Oh my god, how are we going to get back?” Ruby moaned. “Did anyone think of that? What if we don’t survive the trip back? What if we get turned into light and then just dissipate off into the Universe somewhere? Ohmygod, what will my fans think if I just disappear into thin air?!”

“Worry later, Ruby,” Leeloo said. “For now, we’ve got to find the Captain.” 

“Wait, what?” Korben asked, an odd look on his face. “You mean– you mean...Captain America?”

“No,” Leeloo said, distracted as she looked up at the buildings around them. “Marvel.” 

Next to her, Ruby grinned. “Waitaminute, do you have a crush on Captain America?”

Korben flushed. “I– I mean…” Leeloo, her attention caught now, turned toward him expectantly. “Yeah,” he finished. “Just a little bit.”

“A little bit?” Ruby scoffed. “Not with that blush. Do you see that blush, Leeloo?”

“I’m not blushing,” Korben said. “Cut it out.”

“You know,” Leeloo said, a sly grin on her face. “We _ will _ need to find him, too. And if I read the subtext correctly, you’ve got a fifty-fifty chance, Korben.”

“Oh my gaaaawd!” Ruby cried, twirling around Korben ecstatically. Xe gasped, putting a hand over xyr mouth. “But wait, ohmygod, what about Bucky? Ohmygod, I just can’t with Bucky Barnes…And Peggy Carter?! You can’t tell me you haven’t thought about _ that _ package deal, Korben. And Falcon? Black Widow?! Captain Marvel?! Gamora?!?!” Ruby squeaked, eyes widening. “Oh SHIT. _ Fuck _ me. We’re going to meet the Black Panther, aren’t we???”

“Yes,” Leeloo said. “We have to go to Wakanda.”

“Ohmygod, fuuuuck me,” Ruby said, pressing a bejeweled hand over xyr heart.

“I don’t suggest you lead with that when we meet him,” Korben said.

“Shut up, Korben.” Ruby slapped his arm. “This is serious. I’m not going to survive this. There’s a reason superheros don’t really exist. I swear to god, my heart is going to explode. I swear!!!!” Xe pretended to faint dramatically into Korben’s arms.

“For fuck’s sake.” Korben caught Ruby and lifted them back to xyr feet. “If I were you, Ruby, I’d be more worried about _ them _ surviving _ you _.”

Ruby blinked. “I think that’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Korben grinned. “So what’s next, Leeloo? Because I have no fucking clue what to do next.”

“Don’t worry,” Leeloo said. “I have a plan. We need to visit Dr. Strange in Manhattan first.”

***

It took a bit for them to realize they didn’t really know how to get to Manhattan. This wasn’t _ their _ New York after all, and even if it had been one and the same, it was still the wrong time period. It wasn’t that things looked unfamiliar, but rather that everything was smaller. And it was certainly a novelty to be able to see the ground at all.

Korben managed to get reliable-sounding directions from a taxi driver, and they headed down into the Atlantic Terminal subway station. Leeloo fished her ID card out of the pouch at her side, swiping it through the reader. She crashed against the barrier just as the light flashed red to indicate a rejection.

“I don’t think our cards are going to work here,” Korben said, pushing back against the stream of people who were flowing around him. Ruby clung to his arm, standing as close as humanly possible.

“Don’t you dare step on these boots!” xe shouted at a harried businesswoman. “These are vintage Saint Laurents!”

Leeloo growled when her card was rejected again. She shoved the neon pink satchel against Korben’s chest and turned to the customer information booth, barely avoiding a collision with a family of three as she wove through the crowd.

“Leeloo Dallas,” she said, holding her ID card up by her face. “I have a MetroPass. I just loaded it up yesterday, but it’s not working.”

The person in the booth rolled their eyes. “Look, your cosplay may be good, but you gotta pay for the ride just like everyone else.”

“Do you take credits, then?” Leeloo asked, fishing a credits disc out of her trouser pocket.

“Cash, debit, or credit card only.”

“Damn it,” Leeloo muttered.

“Honey, like I said–” Korben began.

“Oh my god, it’s Bruce Willis!” The shout rang out over the crowd, and one or two people turned to stare. Presumably, they were tourists, because they started taking pictures with absolutely no chill.

“It’s Chris Tucker!” Someone else shouted. “Holy shit! The entire main cast!”

“Jesus, let’s get out of here,” Korben said, as he spotted a group of people making their way over. “Please.”

“And I thought I had planned this so well,” Leeloo said. “I forgot about stupid money.”

“Aww, Lulu, we’ll figure something out,” Ruby said, as they hustled toward the exit. “This will be just like the old days, when I was a baby DJ trying to get in the door at a club. Leave it to me.”

***

After about twenty minutes of Ruby flagging down cars and then cursing them out as they drove away, they managed to hitch a ride with some kids that looked like they weren’t even old enough to drive.

“Holy shit, your cosplay game is insane!” the driver said as Leeloo ran up to the window. “Are you kidding me right now? You look exactly like Milla Jovovich. And he’s a dead ringer for Bruce Willis. And you can’t tell me that’s not Chris Tucker coming up in that killer outfit.”

“I don’t know who you’re talking about,” Leeloo said. “But we’re professionals.”

“Uh, okay,” the driver said, grinning. “It’s going to be that way, huh? I get it. That’s cool.”

“Good,” Leeloo said. “Can you take us to Bleecker Street?”

“Well...we’re not really going in that direction,” the driver said.

The blue-haired kid sitting in the passenger’s seat leaned over. “Bro, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity! We’ve got room in the car. I say let’s do it!”

“All right,” the driver sighed. “There goes our afternoon. Come on. Get in.”

“Ya’ll are saints!” Ruby said.

Korben grimaced at Leeloo.

“Oh, come on,” Leeloo said, opening the back door. “This is going to be fun, Korben. And don’t forget, there’s a meeting with Captain America in it for you.”

“Shut up,” Korben grumbled, as Ruby cackled with delight.

***

It took awhile for Leeloo to finally convince the kids to just drop them off at the corner closest to the New York Sanctum, and even then, it was a near thing. They had come all this way, they said. It wasn’t fair if they didn’t get to go inside and meet Dr. Strange.

“I don’t even know if he will be there,” Leeloo said, rubbing her temples. “Just...is there anything I can offer you in exchange for the ride?”

They were circling around the block for the fifteenth time. The kids looked at each other and seemed to come to a decision without speaking.

“Autographs,” the driver said. “Can you sign my car?”

“Your car?” Korben asked.

The kid pointed to the ceiling, which was full of blurry doodles done up in permanent marker. “You can sign the ceiling. I usually reserve that privilege for my closest friends, but since y’all are famous…”

“See,” Ruby said, nudging Korben in the ribs. “Even in another universe, people recognize me. Now that’s what I call talent, baby. I got it in spades.”

“Yes, you do,” Korben said with a smirk. “You got something.”

The blue-haired kid gave them all a hard stare. “Wow. Y’all are really dedicated to your characters. Is there going to be a sequel or something?”

Leeloo decided to ignore that question. “You have a marker?” She leaned forward and held out a hand impatiently as the driver fished one out of the glove compartment.

“Can you sign your real names, too?” the kid asked, as Leeloo signed her name.

“What do you mean?”

“Your real name. Like, Milla Jovovich. Because, like, we know you’re the real people. There’s no way you could manage to look so much like celebrities. Even with plastic surgery.”

“Um, okay,” Leeloo said. “How do you spell it?”

***

“We need to find Nick Fury,” Leeloo said, barging her way into the New York Sanctum as Dr. Strange raised his hands and summoned a protection spell to throw against her, his Cloak of Levitation floating up behind him and clasping itself shut around his shoulders.

“Oh, so _ you’re _ what I just detected?” he said, letting his hands drop. “Really?”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” Ruby asked, hands on xyr hips.

Dr. Strange scoffed. “I mean, I honestly wasn’t expecting the main cast of _ The Fifth Element _ to hop over to my Universe. What, is it Comic-Con weekend or something?”

“The fifth element?” Korben asked.

“Your universe is in grave danger,” Leeloo said, at the same time.

Dr. Strange looked at Leeloo. “What is it now?”

“Thanos is coming,” Leeloo said. “And you’re going to lose. Badly.”

“We should have probably watched the rest of the Marvel movies with her,” Ruby whispered loudly to Korben. “Because I have no freakin’ clue–”

“Do you believe me, Stephen Strange?” Leeloo asked.

“Give me a minute to check something,” he said. “Wait there.”

Before any of them had a chance to react, a portal was scooping them up. Leeloo stumbled against Korben as the world shifted around them. They were on the grassy slope of a tall, tall peak, the wind buffeting alarmingly around them. She reached out and took Ruby’s hand, her other arm wrapped tightly around Korben’s bicep.

“Where the hell-” Korben began.

“That’s not right!” Ruby said. “That was _ rude _. Sending us off to some other world just like that. How are we supposed to get back?”

“He’ll summon us when he’s ready,” Leeloo said, though she didn’t feel as certain as all that. What if he decided not to believe her and left them stranded there for the rest of time?

Half an hour later or so, long enough for Leeloo to really start doubting her plan, a new portal opened and Dr. Strange stuck his head through.

“Help us, Leeloo Dallas, you’re our only hope,” he said.

Leeloo stepped toward the portal. “You believe me?”

“Not at first. But then I checked, and turns out you can help us, after all.”

“Well, of course I can,” Leeloo said. “That’s my job. I’m the Fifth Element. I was made to protect-”

“Yeah, I’ve seen the movie. Come on, back through the portal.”

“Rude!” Ruby hissed, straight in Dr. Strange’s face as xe stepped back through to New York City.

“I wouldn’t interrupt her again if I were you,” Korben added, swinging the brightly colored satchel a bit too wide as he stepped through the portal.

“Wow, a neon pink purse,” Dr. Strange said, dodging out of the way. “You don’t seem like the type.”

Korben rolled his eyes. “Gender essentialist.”

“All right, all right. No offense meant. We’re on a schedule here. I’m sending you to Atlanta to talk to Nick Fury.”

Another portal opened in front of them, and this time Dr. Strange was kind enough to allow them the autonomy to walk through it themselves, rather than sending it forward to scoop them up again.

On the other side, they found themselves in a building, the air with that quality of cold that suggested deep internment in the earth, rather than an air conditioning system. The ceiling, the walls, the floor were all concrete, the only decorations the tactical equipment that broke up the monotony of grey. Nick Fury was waiting for them, standing in front of a table, an aura of controlled violence hovering around him.

“So he really wasn’t kidding,” Fury said. “You really did come over here.”

“Yes,” Leeloo said, reaching out to take Korben and Ruby’s hands. “We came to save your Universe.”

Fury snorted. “What if I don’t believe you? What if I still think you’re just really good cosplayers?”

“Do you think it’s easy to fool Dr. Strange?” Leeloo replied.

“Give me a second and I’ll prove it to you,” Korben said.

“No one could imitate this,” Ruby scoffed, motioning up and down xyr body. “This is 100% original, one-of-a-kind, pure and unadulterated Ruby Rhod, right here.”

“Hmm…” Fury said, turning to look at the woman who had come to stand beside him, her arms crossed. “What do you think, Hill?”

“Sir, I detected unusual radioactive signatures emanating from the woman,” she said. “And whatever’s in that deceptively harmless-looking bag he’s holding.” She nodded in Korben’s direction.

“Her name’s Leeloo,” Korben said.

“Leeloo,” Hill amended.

“Leeloo _ Dallas _,” Leeloo added firmly.

“Leeloo Dallas,” Hill said. “Whatever she is, she doesn’t read as human on our machines, she reads as a weapon.”

Ruby gasped loudly. “How dare you talk about her like that! She is _ not _ a weapon!”

Fury raised his hands. “No offense meant, Mister–”

“Um, _ excuse _ me,” Ruby interrupted. “That’s Mx. Rhod to you.”

Fury raised his eyebrows. “Well, that wasn’t in the movie.”

“Zzzzzzz!” Ruby buzzed, waving zyr hand impatiently. “What movie? We aren’t from the movies! This is the real deal right here!”

“We need Captain Marvel,” Leeloo said, cutting over the argument. “There’s no time to waste. Summon her now.”

Hill looked over at Fury, a questioning look in her eyes. “What’s she talking about?”

Fury stepped forward. “How do you know about that?”

Leeloo crossed her arms. “You know all about me because you’ve seen...the movie. I know about you for the same reason.”

It took a moment for that to register, Fury and Hill’s faces both freezing up with a mixture of shock and horror.

“Are you seriously telling me that we’re just characters in some fuckin’ action movie?” Fury asked.

“Basically,” Leeloo said.

“Excuse me?” Ruby asked.

“What the hell–” Korben began.

“Let’s just not think about this too much,” Hill interrupted. “You make your call. I’ll get in touch with everyone else.”


	3. The Infinite Fix-it

It was a little uncomfortable hanging around the Asgardians who remained, Loki had to admit. He was hunched against a tiny window on the lower fore deck of the hunk of junk that everyone was insisting they call a spaceship.

Thor, Brunnhilde, the Hulk thing, and Heimdall were just above him, hogging the main observation deck, talking loudly so as to be overheard by the huddled masses in the hold. Oh, they were sure everything was going to be alright. Soon enough they would find a new place to call home, and everything would be back to normal. Useless platitudes. 

Loki considered interrupting with some truth bombs, then thought better of it. Probably better to stay in Thor’s good graces for the moment, considering they were currently traveling through the middle of nowhere with no food or water or much of anything at all.

He shifted a bit, a sharp corner of the Tesseract poking through the illusion he had cast and digging into his spine. He shoved it to the side with a grimace, his eyes widening at the bright streak of light that flared at the very edge of the window. He watched, fascinated, as it grew bigger in long, drawn-out increments.

Judging by the conversation above him, it seemed no one else had noticed. Loki eased himself to his feet.

“Brother,” he said, his voice barely above speaking volume, and yet Thor heard him, cutting himself off, the facade of ease cracking open as he answered.

“What is it?”

“The light,” Loki said, pulling himself up to the main deck with only a little trouble, waving away Brunnhilde’s pro-offered hand with a contemptuous sneer.

It seemed to be moving much faster now. Before any of them had a chance to say anything, a glowing woman came to a halt before the thick glass of the observation window, waving her arms in a pantomime of–

“I think she wants to come in?” Bruce said.

Thor frowned and looked over at Loki.

“Don’t look at me,” Loki said.

“I say we let her in,” Brunnhilde said. “If she’s trouble, between the five of us we should be able to handle it.”

“Or at the very least between the four of us,” Heimdall said, looking over at Loki.

“I do appreciate the vote of confidence,” Loki replied.

They all jumped as the woman rapped sharply on the glass, pointing to her wrist to indicate that human linear time was a-wasting.

“She’s human,” Thor said. “How can this be?”

“Just let her in and ask her,” Loki snapped.

Bruce squinted suspiciously. “Why so eager, Loki? Do you know her?”

“Do I look like the type to know someone like her?” Loki scoffed. “I’m bored. We’re in the middle of nowhere. There’s nothing better to do. Let her in.”

By now, the woman was just hovering in front of their ship, her arms crossed, blond hair floating in a halo around her head.

Thor pointed to the starboard side, motioning with his hand as he walked over to the airlock and opened the space hatch. There was a brief tussle at the door as everyone tried to get a good view through the port window. A moment later, the woman hovered in, her hair falling in a tangle around her face as Thor closed the hatch behind her and reactivated the artificial environment.

“Make way,” he said, sweeping everyone out of the way with one arm so that he could open the door.

“Wow,” the woman said, looking around as she stepped onto the ship. She ran her fingers through her hair, settling it somewhat.

“Wow, indeed,” Brunnhilde echoed.

There was an awkward moment, during which Bruce raised an eyebrow, Thor and Heimdall looked at each other, grinning, and Loki rolled his eyes.

“Carol Danvers,” the woman said, holding out a hand to Brunnhilde. “Are you Valkryie?”

“I’m Brunnhilde,” she corrected, taking her hand. “One of the valkyries.”

“The only one left,” Loki reminded her. “So, more like _ the _ valkryie- OW!” Thor had elbowed him hard, just barely missing the magical pocket containing the Tesseract.

Brunnhilde’s eyes flickered, her smile freezing on her face. Bruce half-growled, going green at the edges.

“I’m sorry,” Carol said, taking Brunnhilde’s hand in both of her own, their eyes meeting for a long moment.

“Thank you,” Brunnhilde said.

Carol turned to Loki. “You.” She narrowed her eyes. “Leeloo said you’d be trouble, but I don’t have time for trouble. Give me the Tesseract.”

“The Tesseract?” Thor laughed. “It was destroyed during Ragnarok. The destruction of our home world. Right, brother?”

Loki straightened his shoulders. “Right, of course.”

“Thor...” Heimdall began.

Carol glared into Loki’s eyes. “Now is not the time for mischief. I know you have it. You’re going to use it to try to bargain with Thanos when he shows up in just a few minutes, and you’re going to fail.”

“Thanos?” Thor turned to stare at his brother. “Loki? How could you betray us?”

“Again,” Heimdall corrected. “How could you betray us again.”

Loki flushed hot, looking between all of the people crowded around him.

“I don’t know what the woman is talking about, I swear.”

“Oh, and we’re just supposed to believe you?” Brunnhilde asked. “You?” She laughed. “Not likely.”

“I say we throw him out of the airlock now,” Bruce said.

“No!” Thor said, his eyes flashing. Loki could feel the hairs rising on the back of his neck, the telltale sign of imminent thunder and lightning. “Well...maybe we could just maroon him on a planet, instead?”

“I don’t care what you do,” Carol said. “Just do it after he gives me the Tesseract, and we’ll be square. Trust me. Half of the lives in the entire Universe depend on this one thing.”

Thor gripped Loki by the collar, lifting him up off the ground and shaking him.

“If you’re lying to us again-”

“I’m not!” Loki protested, the Tesseract burning a hole in his side. He squirmed, trying to shift it away.

“There it is,” Carol said, reaching out and plucking it right out of his illusion. Loki stumbled back as Thor nearly dropped him, turning to look at her in surprise.

“How are you holding that with your bare hands?” he asked.

Loki rubbed his throat, watching her balefully, wanting to know very much the same thing.

“How do you think I got my powers?” Carol asked, tossing the Tesseract from one hand to another. “Here, catch.”

Thor yelped, stumbling back and smashing Loki’s toes in the process.

Carol laughed. “Just kidding. Though I’m pretty sure you can handle it if your brother can.”

“Right,” Thor said. “Of course.”

“Head to Earth right away,” Carol said, turning back to the airlock. “I’ll meet you there.”

“What are you going to do?” Loki asked, catching her arm.

She shook him off, giving him a measured look. “I’ve got to lure that bastard Thanos to Earth.”

“What?” Loki asked.

“To Earth?” Thor asked. “That sounds like a terrible idea.”

“Trust me,” Carol said. She turned to wink at Brunnhilde. “See you there?”

“Hell yeah,” Brunnhilde said, a mischievous grin on her face.

Loki made a gagging sound, and Thor wrapped his arm around Loki’s neck, drawing him in for a vicious side hug.

“Oh, isn’t my brother so lovely?” he asked, shaking Loki so hard that his teeth clattered together.

“He’s quite a peach,” Carol said, stepping back toward the airlock. “I’d get your rear in gear if I were you, otherwise you’re gonna miss all the fun.”

“Wow,” Heimdall said, after she’d disappeared back through the airlock.

“Wow,” Brunnhilde agreed, in a completely different tone of voice.

***

Back on Earth, Leeloo stood frozen, Ruby stunned into silence beside her, Korben a steady, comforting presence on her other side. The world had never seen so many superheroes in one place. It was a vortex of power converging on the vast plain outside of Birnin Zana. 

Black Panther arrived first, along with his top guards, Okoye and Ayo, his partner, Nakia, and the princess Shuri. Behind them came the former Winter Soldier, Captain America, Falcon, and Black Widow. 

Three quinjets flew in shortly after, the first disgorging Iron Man, War Machine, Rescue, and Spiderman, the second one Scarlet Witch and Vision, and the third Nick Fury and Maria Hill. Doctor Strange and Wong stepped through portals from New York, bringing Ant-Man and the Wasp with them. 

Thor, Loki, Heimdall, the Hulk and Valkyrie arrived a few minutes later, debarking from a giant Asgardian ship before sending it back into space.

“Oh look, Korben, he’s wearing the stealth suit!” Ruby said, grabbing Korben by the arm and dragging him in Captain America’s direction. “Come on, I can set you up with him. I’m a really good wing person.”

“Ruby–” Korben started, clamming up when he realized it was too late.

“Hi there,” Steve said, an amused look on his face as the two of them came to a halt in front of him, Korben scowling fiercely, neon pink satchel still hanging over one shoulder.

“Well, helloooo there,” Ruby said, grinning. “Please allow me to introduce myself. I am the one and only ROoooOooooOoooobeeee RhoD! Xe, xem, xyr, thankyouverymuch."

"Ruby, I'm not even sure they know about the pronoun thing yet," Leeloo said.

"What?" Iron Man sputtered. "We're not, uh, we're not all nonagenarians here. Of course we know about the pronouns, don't we, guys?"

"Yeah, yeah, the pronoun thing," Ant-Man said. "That's cool with me. Totally cool with me. I'm Scott, by the way. Ant-Man. You might have heard– well, never mind. You probably haven't. He, him, by the way."

"Yes, it's a pleasure to meet you, Ruby," Black Widow said, bowing her head in acknowledgment. "I'm Natasha, she or they." She smiled toothily and turned to look expectantly at Korben.

Korben crossed his arms. "Korben Dallas. He or they. Ex-Special Forces." 

"Ah," Steve said. "Special Forces."

"Major," Korben added, adjusting the pink strap on his shoulder.

“Koooorben, baby, chill out,” Ruby said out of the corner of xyr mouth.

"Right," Steve said. "I was Special Forces in the second World War." 

"World war two, huh?"

"You've heard of it, right?" Steve continued. "Or did you not learn about that in school?"

"Yeah, I know the one," Korben said, his jaw squaring up even more than anyone thought humanly possible. "I didn't catch your name and rank..."

“What are you doooooingggg, Korben,” Ruby hissed.

"Steve Rogers. He, him," Steve said, gritting his teeth when Korben just kept staring at him expectantly. "Captain Steve Rogers," he added tersely.

Korben smirked, the smile melting off his face at the sight of Bucky Barnes’s dead-eyed stare.

“I’m so confused,” Ruby said. “Do you want to fuck him or kill him, Korben, huh?”

“Both,” Korben admitted.

“Big mood,” Bucky muttered, with the tiniest quirk of his lips.

“Same,” Sam Wilson added, grinning.

“Me,” Natasha finished, completely deadpan.

“Guys,” Steve said, flushing bright red.

"Ooookay, that's enough gratuitous ego boosting," Tony said. "What's the plan?”

Steve cleared his throat, resting his hands on his belt.

“Yeah, it’s awkward to see you, too,” Tony said, popping the faceplate on his suit. “You and the Manchurian Candidate been having a good time playing catch up?”

“Tony,” Pepper said, her own faceplate opening so she could give him a look.

Steve looked down at the ground. “Look, Tony–”

T’Challa raised a hand. “Perhaps this is a conversation best saved for a more private moment,” he suggested gently, turning to look at Leeloo. “Nick Fury informed us that you are here to defeat a being called Thanos. Please explain.”

“Of course, your Highness,” Leeloo said.

“You think you’re a good wingperson?” Korben muttered to Ruby, nodding in T’Challa’s direction. “Just wait til I embarrass you in front of _ him _.”

“Oh yeah?” Ruby scoffed. “Bring it on.”

Leeloo glared in their direction.

“Sorry, honey,” Korben said.

“I’m Leeloominaï Lekatariba Lamina-Tchaï Ekbat De Sebat,” she continued, turning back to T’Challa. “Leeloo for short. You might recognize me as the Fifth Element.”

“Okay, I’m impressed,” Okoye said. “But is the cosplay _ really _ necessary?”

“It’s not a cosplay,” Leeloo said. “I’m from the future. Sort of…” She supposed it was time to bring up the film. “So, you’re obviously familiar with _ The Fifth Element _ movie. Well, that’s where we came from. Me, Korben, and Ruby.”

Natasha raised her eyebrows.

Scott nudged Hope. “I _ told _ you it was her.”

“Still not talking to you, Scott,” Hope said, crossing her arms and turning away.

“I mean, it’s one of my favorite movies,” Wong said. “So, your dedication is pretty inspiring.”

“Yeah, but right now, it’s kinda weird,” Tony added.

“Would you shut up and just listen to what she’s actually saying?” Brunnhilde said.

Peter half-raised his hand. “Um...is that the movie with the thing?”

“You seriously haven’t seen _ The Fifth Element _?” Shuri asked.

“Shuri,” T’Challa said.

“What thing?” Nakia asked, raising her eyebrows.

“The thing with the– the– guy who...Yippie kay yay?” Peter finished, lifting up his hands like the shrug emoji.

“You are thinking of _ Die Hard _ ,” Ayo said, shaking her head. “Believe me, that’s a completely different movie. _ Completely _ different.”

“Anyway,” Leeloo said. “We’re actually from that world. The Fifth Element world, I mean. Not Die Hard… Anyway, in our world, your world exists only as a film franchise. From centuries ago. So I know what’s going to happen. And I came here to stop it.”

In the shocked silence that followed, Leeloo began to tell them the story about _ Avengers: Infinity War _ . And...about _ Endgame _.

***

"Run that by me again? So the big purple guy-" Tony said.

"Yeah, his name is Thanos," Hill interrupted.

"Fine." Tony rolled his eyes. "The big purple guy snapped his fingers, and that's why half the people in the universe disappeared?"

"Pretty much," Leeloo said. “After he got all the Infinity Stones. But this time he will fail.”

“Iiiiiiiiiiiincoming!”

Everyone took a step back as a white-hot, vaguely humanoid shape blasted into their midst, kicking up a puff of dust.

“Oh hey,” the shape said, straightening up, brightness fading to reveal Carol Danvers. “Am I late? Early? Did you already tell them, Leeloo?”

Everyone turned to stare at Steve as he unearthed a stress ball from wherever it had been hidden in his stealth suit and gave it a squeeze. It emitted a rubbery gasp. 

"Can I see that?" Natasha asked, holding out a hand. Steve squeezed it extra hard, and it burst into a puff of red fuzz. "Wow. Okay, then."

“Uh, I’m guessing you told them,” Carol said.

"Look, everyone, I think we're all just a little stressed out..." Rhodey started in. 

"You think?" Fury asked.

Tony pinched the bridge of his nose. "That was like the understatement of the century, Rhodey. No, the epoch. No, wait, it's actually the understatement of the entire history of human civilization."

Rhodey sighed. "All right, Tony. I get it."

Carol crossed her arms across her chest. "Listen, there’s a big, pissed-off purple guy coming our way as we speak. So, are we gonna do something about it, or just stand here and bitch?"

"Any reason you didn’t bother to stop by before?" Bruce asked, clenching his fists. “Like at Sokovia?”

The tension ratcheted up about 100 notches.

"Maybe we should take a break from this conversation..." Dr. Strange said.

He trailed off as Thor stepped forward to stand in front of Carol. He lifted one hand just past her head, but she didn't budge a nanometer. In the silence, they could hear the sound of metal warping. Glass shattering. An alarm blaring.

"Why can't you just carry it on your belt like a normal person?" Loki asked.

The air hissed as Mjolnir came into view, wooden handle thumping into Thor's palm.

"Have you lost anyone?" he asked.

Carol blinked. "What?"

"Have you lost anyone?"

Carol bit her bottom lip. “Yes. I have.”

Thor stared down at her, unblinking. "I lost my mother. My father. A sister I didn't even know I had until she tried to kill me. My world. Most of my people."

Carol let her hands drop to her sides, her fists clenched, a glimmer of power just shimmering around her knuckles.

"Look, we...we may not be able to fix what happened to your family, your friends, your people. But we can prevent the worst from happening."

Thor sighed, the hammer falling back to his shoulder. "I don't suppose we have anything left to lose."

"Uh, you don't, buddy, but some of the rest of us do," Tony said. 

"Jesus, Tony,” Pepper said.

"All right, let's just think this through a moment," Steve said.

“aLL riGhT, LeT'S jUSt THinK THiS tHrOuGh a mOmENt,” Loki mocked, transforming briefly into a impossibly broad-chested and square-jawed version of Captain America. 

“Whoa,” Peter said.

“Sassy.” Ruby raised an eyebrow and looked Loki up and down.

“Really?” Hill asked.

“Don’t encourage him,” Heimdall said.

Loki shrugged. “Am I right, or am I right?”

Korben cleared his throat. “I’m...just going to leave that alone. So, anyway, here’s the deal. Leeloo basically just needs you to stand there and look pretty while she kicks some grape ass.”

Steve glared at him. “Why call us here at all, then?”

“Duh,” Ruby piped in. “We’re in a film. We’ve got to make it dramatic, don’t we? It’s the final showdown.”

“Damn it,” Pepper sighed. “So that’s why we’re not actually going to get anything done until the last five seconds, isn’t it?”

“Obviously,” Natasha said. “Can’t defuse a bomb too early. That would ruin the suspense.”

“Ungh, this explains so much,” Tony said, turning to look at Pepper. “I mean, I even look like a movie star, don’t I, Pep? Do people even look like this in real life?”

“What is real life?” Wanda asked.

“All right, all right,” Rhodey snapped. “Let’s just do this.”

“I need you all for moral support,” Leeloo said quietly. “I’m about to blast an entire spaceship full of living beings out of the sky. I need all of you here to remind me why I’m doing this, especially you.” She looked at Vision, Loki, Natasha and Tony each in turn. “Earth,” she said, pointing to Natasha. “Air for Vision. Fire for Tony. Water for Loki.”

Korben nodded, opening the neon pink satchel.

Ruby dabbed at xyr eyes with a silken handkerchief. “Ohmygod, ohmygod, ohmygoooood. It’s really happening.”

“And I’ll just think of Gamora,” Leeloo added. “Wherever the Guardians are right now, I hope they’re okay.”

They had no pedestals this time, so Leeloo told them to put the elemental stones on the ground. She hadn’t really thought this part through, either, but she knew in her gut that the stones only needed trust to work, and not exact measurements and positions.

“Uh, guys,” Peter said, squinting up at the sky. “How much time did you say we had?”

“At this point, probably minutes,” Carol said.

Leeloo was already standing in the center, focusing inward, gathering herself.

“Ohmygod, we really are waiting until the last minute?” Ruby asked. “I thought that was a joke. Goddamn, I’ve been through this before! I don’t need to do this again!”

“All right, calm down,” Korben said. He pointed to Vision. “Breathe on that stone.”

“I don’t actually breathe–” Vision started.

“I’ve got it, Viz,” Wanda said, stepping forward to Vision’s side.

“Tony, you got a match or something?” Korben asked.

“Uh–”

“Here,” Pepper said, kneeling down next to him and handing him a lighter. Rhodey came to stand at his other side.

“Loki,” Korben continued. “Yours activates with–”

“Yes, I have seen the movie,” Loki snapped, waving his hand with a flourish, a small jeweled bottle appearing in his palm. Thor stepped into place beside him, giving him a small smile, then Heimdall joined him. Loki tried to look annoyed and failed.

Korben turned, but Natasha was already scooping up a bit of dirt, Sam, Bucky, and Steve standing beside her.

“Korben...Ruby,” Leeloo said, her voice wavering. “Help me.”

They both stepped to her side and she reached out her hands.

“Uh, no offense, but that’s not going to kill us, is it?” Ruby asked.

“I was kissing her last time, remember?” Korben said.

Ruby rolled xyr eyes. “Ohmygod, the drama.”

“The stones are activated,” Leeloo said, feeling their energy linking and converging inside of her, blinding blue, everything else fading into the background.

She opened her wings, looking up past the sky, finding the great ship that threatened to destroy everything she loved so much.

“I see you, villain,” she said. “I see you.” She heard Ruby and Korben laughing at the reference, felt their hands supporting her as she lifted her arms to the sky and arched back.

“Ow,” she whispered, taking a breath against the deep tearing ache in her chest. 

“You got this,” Ruby said, rubbing gentle circles into her back, between her shoulder blades, underneath the wings xe couldn’t see but could feel like a tingle in xyr fingers.

“I love you,” Korben said, lips pressing against her temple.

Then the world blanked out.

***

“Open the hatch, raccoon,” Nebula said, staff in hand. She rapped it against the floor sharply.

Out on the plains of Birnin Zana, a massive group of superheroes circled protectively around an unconscious woman, cradled close by her companions, facing the Titan that limped toward them, broken helmet in hand, voice booming across the world.

“You think destroying my ship, my army, is going to stop me?” Thanos asked.

“Racoon!” Nebula shouted.

“I am...inevitable,” Thanos finished.

“Yeah, just give me a minute,” Rocket yelled back. “Groot, did you mess with these controls?” He button-smashed one of the control panels and the ship gave a dissonant chirp as the hatch creaked open.

“I am Groot,” Groot said, looking up at Rocket with wide eyes.

“I’m coming with you,” Gamora said, stepping to Nebula’s side.

”Damn it,” Peter Quill said. “That means I have to go, too.”

“Then I must go as well,” Drax said.

“Me too!” Mantis added. “I want to come, too!”

“Great,” Rocket said, springing out of the pilot’s seat and scooping up Groot in his palm. “Now we have to go, too. Otherwise we’ll look like assholes.”

Nebula ignored them all, her attention solely focused on Thanos as she stepped through the hatch.

“Ah, my daughters have come,” Thanos said, turning to face the Guardians as they strode toward him. “How convenient.”

“Or inconvenient,” Nebula said, lunging forward with her staff. Thanos dodged her easily, stepping back, but that’s what she had been counting on. She made as if to trip him up then sprang forward, sinking a knife hilt-deep into his neck. 

Then Gamora was beside her, stabbing into his heart with her tiny double-sided dagger.

Thanos staggered, groaning, looking down. He gripped the dagger in one armored hand, grimacing, and pulled it out of his chest.

“Why?” he asked, looking only at Gamora. She was crying now. 

“It was inevitable, obviously,” Nebula said, through gritted teeth. She watched as he collapsed first to his knees, then fell to his side.

“Why you, daughter?” Thanos groaned, and was still.

Gamora crouched to the ground, sobbing.

Everyone else was coming closer now, tense and unbelieving.

“That was quick,” Quill said.

Nebula turned to offer her sister a hand. “Thank you for coming with me.”

Gamora stood with her help, wiping her face with her sleeve. “I’m...sorry. I don’t know why I’m crying. He wasn’t...he wasn’t a good father.”

Nebula shrugged.

“Leeloo said not to trust anything,” Carol said. “He might have the Reality stone already. He could be–”

“He’s dead,” Nebula interrupted, kicking at his gauntlet. “He only managed to collect the Power stone.”

“But that could be an illusion, too,” Natasha said.

“Well then, we will wait,” Nebula said. “He likes to make you think you’ve won. He likes to gloat as he watches you dare to feel relief. Triumph. But he can never bear to let it last for long. Can you, Thanos?”

Only the wind answered, moaning across the plains at Birnin Zana.


	4. Epilogue

Leeloo looked around the banquet hall as she entered, Korben and Ruby at her side. Everyone who had witnessed the defeat of Thanos was gathered there to enjoy each other’s company, or in some cases, to tiptoe awkwardly around each other. A shawarma buffet lined one wall, and a giant blank screen dominated the front part of the room.

It had been three weeks since the Titan’s body had been buried in a tomb deep in a sub-level vault at Stark Industries. Though it was still hard to relax and believe it was all over, everyone had finally agreed that enough was enough.

Now, Leeloo was starting to miss home. The Marvel Cinematic Universe was nice, but she wanted to be in _ her _ New York again. They had all planned to watch _ The Fifth Element _ together as a send-off for the three of them, but she hadn’t really considered the implications of returning back through the movie screen. 

“You know, I’ve been thinking,” Ruby said, as they all stood in the buffet line. Xe watched as Leeloo scooped a huge pile of food onto her plate and then kept adding more. “You know you can come back through the line, right?”

“That’s what you were thinking?” Leeloo asked.

“What? No,” Ruby said. “I got distracted. You’re gonna drop that plate of food, mark my words.” 

“Ruby,” Korben said. “You’re killing me.”

“All right. Chill. I was just thinking that when we go back through the movie, our movie, we’re gonna end up in the past.”

“Yeah,” Leeloo said. “I...um...I realized that, too, but I didn’t really have the heart to mention it earlier.”

“Hmmm,” Ruby said. “Same.” 

“Uh...I figured we could just deal with it later,” Korben said. 

“Right,” Leeloo said. “Except it’s later now, and...well.”

“Damnit…” Ruby sighed. “Are you seriously saying I gotta live that part of my life all over again?” 

“Sort of,” Leeloo said, grinning. “Except you get to do whatever you want, because the past you will be doing what you already did.”

“Leeloo!” Ruby wailed. “I really need to get back! To the right time! I got things to do! Places to be! In my regular, normal life.” 

“When have our lives ever been normal or regular?”

“BzzzZZZzzZZZZzzzzzZ!” Ruby waved a hand in her face. “You know what I mean.” 

“Okay, so relax.” Tony popped up behind them. “Strange and I already talked about this. We’re just watching the movie for fun. I mean, if it’s weird for you to see yourself, we can watch something else.”

“What do you mean?” Leeloo asked.

“Well, he’s a time wizard, or whatever,” Tony said. “He’s going to open a portal to send you back to exactly where and when you came from.” 

“Oh!” Leeloo turned toward him, the pile of food on her plate wobbling dangerously. “So you can drop us off in my living room? Because we haven’t even eaten our sandwiches yet.” 

“Uh, yeah, we can probably do that,” Tony said, eyeing her plate warily. 

“Remember the sandwiches you brought over?” Leeloo asked Ruby. “From Chelsea Square? I’ve been thinking about them since we left. Wish we had brought them with us. Mmm...pastrami sandwich, here I come...and oh! I hope the fries are still warm.”

“Ohmygod, I can’t even,” Ruby said.

Korben just laughed.


End file.
